Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
