I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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