Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
