if you like me you must not know who I am
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
