so explain again why im purple
no
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
