I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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