mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
