That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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