I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dignity is for republicans.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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