what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
