nut hugger
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
