so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
