wanna go halves on a baby?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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