They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
