I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
