Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
