Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
