Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize