Soap is not a condiment
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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