I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
