im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She announced her abortion via fbk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
