i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
