dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
