your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
