i love accidental penises.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
