Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
