I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
