I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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