yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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