my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
