it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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