i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
