that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
