Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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