I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
