She said her name was "party"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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