check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
