i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
