i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
