I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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