I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
