I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
