ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
