He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
