His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
