I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
