Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
