Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
