He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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