i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize