I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
