This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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