i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
