Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
