Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
