Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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