Pappa wants mamma naked
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
PANTIES FOUND
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