I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
