No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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