he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
