apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize