I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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