DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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