i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
