bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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