Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
