Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
