It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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