"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
