You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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