we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
