Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
