So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
